FAQuette /ˈfækɪt/ noun

1. A public-facing middle finger disguised as helpful information.
2. The aggressive, often sarcastic, code of conduct governing how stupid questions are tolerated (or not) in the IntrusiveShirt ecosystem.
3. A tongue-in-cheek guide to what you should already know before you clog the inbox.

What sizes do you offer?

Sizes range from XS to 5XL depending on the design. There’s a size chart on every product page. If you’re between sizes, go up—no one’s judging.

What’s your return policy?

Returns and exchanges are accepted within 15 days of delivery—as long as the shirt hasn’t been worn, washed, or used in any regrettable ways. Email us at contact@intrusiveshirt.com and we’ll sort it out.

How long does shipping take?

Orders usually ship within 2–4 business days. U.S. delivery takes about 3–7 business days. International shipping times vary and may involve delays, mysterious detours, or customs agents with questionable hobbies.

Do you ship internationally?

Yes. Just know that international buyers are responsible for any customs fees, import taxes, or bureaucratic rage. We just make shirts—we don’t speak border.

How should I wash my shirt?

Cold wash. Inside out. Tumble dry low. Don’t bleach it. Don’t iron the print. Don’t whisper secrets to it—it already knows.

Are your shirts ethically made?

Yes. We source from suppliers who follow ethical manufacturing practices. No sweatshops. We apologize for failing your standards. We will work harder to find the largest, least humane Vietnamese sweatshop in which to manufacture these articles for your first world pleasure.

Can I suggest a design?

Absolutely. Send your cursed ideas to contact@intrusiveshirt.com. No guarantees we’ll use it, but we love seeing what the inside of your brain looks like. If we really hate it we may even pay you.

I got the wrong item / my shirt is damaged!

Oops. Email contact@intrusiveshirt.com with your order number and a photo. We’ll fix it. Probably.

Do your shirts run true to size?

Yes, mostly. But we all lie to ourselves sometimes. Consult the size chart and pick peace.

Can I cancel my order?

You have a very short window to cancel before it prints—usually within an hour or two. After that, it’s already in motion. The Overton Window has closed and destiny is folding.

Do you do custom orders?

Not yet. But if you’re loud enough about it, we might cave. Yell at us via contact@intrusiveshirt.com.

Do you offer bulk discounts?

Yes, if your definition of “bulk” means you’re buying enough to clothe a small cult or start a questionable business. Email us and we’ll talk numbers.

Will this shirt get me arrested?

It depends. We design shirts that walk the fine line between free speech and public nuisance. Wear responsibly. Or don’t.

Is this a joke?

Yes. No. What are you, a Fed?

Who’s behind this?

You are a Fed, aren’t ya? Eyy, Joey! This guys a Fed. Sittin there readin the FAQuettes.. all Fed like.

Are you serious?

Yes, I’m serious about you being a Fed.

What if I want to return it, but I kind of like it?

That’s called growth, Karen. Keep the shirt.